rich5665 0 Report post Posted January 15, 2011 Just got off the phone with a friend in Montana. He said that since early this morning the snow is waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping below zero and the north wind is increasing. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window all day. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
fishingbobnelson 0 Report post Posted January 23, 2011 My Favorite Animal Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else in the class laughed. My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again. The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now...??? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
riffleriversteelheadslayer 0 Report post Posted March 7, 2011 Tick Warning! I hate it when people forward bogus warnings, and I have even done it myself a couple times unintentionally...but this one is real, and it’s important. So please send this warning to everyone on your e- mail list. If someone comes to your front door saying they are checking for ticks due to the warm weather and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT!! THIS IS A SCAM!! They only want to see you naked. I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid. But the good part, I didn't have any ticks Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
riffleriversteelheadslayer 0 Report post Posted March 7, 2011 HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM: 1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of mens' used size 14-16 work boots. 2. Place them on your front porch along with a copy of "Guns & Ammo Magazine". 3. Put a few big dog dishes next to the boots and magazines. 4. Leave a note on your door that reads: Bubba, Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls; they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside. Be right back. Cooter Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
roll cast 0 Report post Posted April 18, 2011 I was in a wrestling match and the other guy got me in a head lock and wrote his name on my forehead. It was his signature move Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest rich mc Report post Posted October 4, 2011 a guy goes into a subway shop for a bite to eat. walks up to the counter and the workers asks what can i get you. the man replies i want an Obama Sub . the worker responsonds im sorry but we dont offer that, i can try to make oneif you can descibe it. the man replies nothing but baloney rich mc Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Floyd 0 Report post Posted October 5, 2011 "]How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping? The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
riffleriversteelheadslayer 0 Report post Posted October 6, 2011 what did the buffalo say to his son as he left for school? Bison lame I know but I heard it from a 9 year old that told it as if it was the best joke in the world Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gpd4 0 Report post Posted October 6, 2011 Funeral Expense Obama goes on a State visit to Israel . While he is on a tour of Jerusalem , he has a fatal heart attack and dies. The undertaker tells the US diplomats: "You can have him shipped home for $1 million or you can bury him here for $100". The US diplomats go into a huddle and come back to the undertaker and tell him they want Obama flown home. The undertaker is puzzled and asks: "Why would you spend $1 million to get him home when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would only spend $100?". One diplomat replied: "More than 2000 years ago a man died here, was buried here, and 3 days later he rose from the dead. We simply can't take that risk". Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest rich mc Report post Posted October 8, 2011 why do elephants paint their toenails red? so they can hide in cherry trees ever see one in a cherry tree? see how good it works! rich Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
H.Champagne 0 Report post Posted October 13, 2011 What did one snowman say to the other? "do you smell carrots?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
H.Champagne 0 Report post Posted October 13, 2011 What did the Zen master say at the Hotdog cart? "Make me one with everything..." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
H.Champagne 0 Report post Posted October 13, 2011 What did the wind turbine say about Fly Tying Forum? "I'm a big fan...." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
H.Champagne 0 Report post Posted October 20, 2011 So this dog slowly limps into a bar and says to the bartender "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
riffleriversteelheadslayer 0 Report post Posted October 20, 2011 An alligator walks into the bar and asks "do you serve hippies in here?" The bartender responds "yes" The alligator says "good I will take 2 please" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
