Joke of the day

[mikechell 0]

Well, that's what happens to me after 3 weeks in a hotel.

[Piker20 0]

Mick and Murphy standing outside the pub, a customers dog tied up outside is licking its balls.

Murphy says "hey Mick wish I could do that"

Mick "you'd better muzzle it first"

[oldtrout58 0]

Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I
said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel
in my room is disabled."

 

To which she replied, "No, it's regular-people porn, you sick bastard."

[oldtrout58 0]

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the
worst.

 

So, I have been to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back.

[oldtrout58 0]

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker.

 

Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

[oldtrout58 0]

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!

 

At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.

[Piker20 0]

 

A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress, wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit, came to his table and asked if he was ready to order.

 

"What would you like, sir?"

 

He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame, top to bottom, then answers, "A quickie."

 

The waitress turns and walks away in disgust.

 

After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?"

 

Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "a quickie, please."

 

This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away.

 

A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, I think it's pronounced 'quiche'

[oldtrout58 0]

You can say a lot of bad things about pedophiles, but they drive slow past schools.

[FlaFly 0]

We've been having a fun and cheery discussion over in the "Appalling" thread about things like skinning or scaling fish while they're alive, eating live cows, etc. Yummy! Real fun. Anyhow, folks asked me to post this story on the Joke forum. Don't blame me.... they made me do it.

 

While driving through Minnesota farm country, a traveling salesman's car broke down. Fortunately it stopped right in front of a farm house, where the farmer was seen sitting on the porch. The salesman got out and walked up the steps. On the way he came across a pig with only three legs. He asked the farmer how that misfortune came about.

 

The farmer started going on about how great that pig was. So smart, and so faithful to his family. Why, the farmer said, one day my tractor rolled over on me, and I was pinned under it. When I called help, the pig was the only one close enough to hear, so he ran and got help. If it weren't for him, I'd be dead today. Really a great pig!

 

And one night last year our wood stove caught fire and we would have all burned to death, but that pig ran around and woke us all up. What a great pig!

 

And even just a few months back our little girl fell in the pond, and this pig, he jumped in and pulled her out. She would have drowned if it wasn't for this pig!

 

The salesman allowed that this is truly a remarkable pig, but how come he only has three legs. To which the farmer answered, well, when you've got a pig that great, you don't want to eat him all at one time.

[mikechell 0]

That's the joke !!!

[Bryon Anderson 0]

Yep, that's the one I was thinking of too! It's a good one. I actually first heard it told by a character on the tv show Northern Exposure.

[shoebop 0]

I miss Northern Exposure!

[Piker20 0]

Drop your shorts and turn left, you'll get all the exposure you need.

[shoebop 0]

[Piker20 0]

Britain lost one of her funniest sons today. RIP Rik.