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Steeldrifter

Joke of the day

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A policeman pulled over a old famer on a back country road and asked the old man "sir,do you realize your wife fell out of the car a few miles back?"

 

the famer said "oh thank god...i thought maybe i was going deaf"

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An Indian is standin on the Street corner in a busy city. Every nice looking lady that passes he chants, " Chance" and raises his right Hand..

 

Finally, this one hot blonde stops after passing him 3 times and asks, " You're an Indian, aren't you supposed to say "How" and raise your right hand to greet people?"

 

The Indian Replies, " Me know-um how, Me wants-a CHANCE!"

 

tongue.gif biggrin.gif cool.gif

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A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. After making love, while they're just laying there, the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation...

 

"Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called." she says speaking in a cheery voice.

 

"Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. that sounds terrific...

 

Great!...

 

Thanks...

 

Okay...

 

Bye."

 

She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"

 

"Oh" she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

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A drunken man walks into a bar and asks for a beer,the bartender tells him "sorry sir we are not allowed to serve people that are to intoxicated"

 

the man slurs out " i'm not drunk....if i was drunk could i do 20 push ups?" and he drops down to start doing push-ups.

 

as hes doing his 15th push up another drunk walks in,staggers over to the man on the floor doing push ups,kicks him in the ribs and yells to him......

 

"hey buddy you can get up,i think your girlfriend went home"

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Prosecuter: did you kill the victim?

 

defendant: no i didnt

 

Prosecuter: do you know what the penalties for purjury are?

 

defendant: Yes,i do...and there a hell of a lot better than the ones for murder!

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Billy and Willy were at sunday school learning about Noah"s Ark. On the way

 

home billy asked willy "hey billy do you think Noah did much fishing?"

 

"how could he" replied willy "he only had 2 worms"

 

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QUOTE (steeldrifter @ Apr 29 2004, 11:20 PM)
Billy and Willy were at sunday school learning about Noah"s Ark. On the way

home billy asked willy "hey billy do you think Noah did much fishing?"

"how could he" replied willy "he only had 2 worms"

lol.gif That one was cute.

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A tourist go's up to a man in a uniform and asks "are you a policeman?"

 

"no i'm an undercover detective" he replied

 

"then why are you in uniform?" asked the man

 

to which the detective replied "because todays my day off"

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A worker who is being paid by the week approched his employer and held up his last paycheck "this is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on" he said

 

the boss told him "i made a mistake on your last weeks check and over paid you two hundred dollars ....you didnt complain about it then!"

 

the worker replied "well i dont mind a mistake every once in awhile but when it gets to be a habit i feel i have to call it to your attention"

 

SD

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Bob and joe were out fishing one day when a funeral passes over the near by bridge,as it go's over ther bridge bob takes off his hat and places it over his heart till the last car is out of sight

 

joe looks at his friend bob and says "gee bob i didnt know you had it in ya"

 

bob puts his hat back on makes a cast and says "it's the least i could do.....we were married for nearly 30 years"

 

SD

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TOP ten things NOT to say to a cop when you get pulled over:

 

1.I cant reach my license unless you hold my beer

 

2.Hey,is that a 9mm...thats nothing compared to this 44mag

 

3.wow you must have been doin 125 to keep up with me...great job!

 

4.sorry officer i didnt realize my radar detector was unplugged

 

5.I was going to become a cop also....but i decided to finish high school

 

6.What do you mean have i been drinking?? your the trained specialist arent you?

 

7.WOW you look just like the guy in the pic on my girlfriends nightstand!

 

8.I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to be a cop?

 

9.I was tryin to keep up with traffic......yes i know there are no cars around,thats how far ahead of me they are!

 

10.Well when i reached down to pick up my bag of crack my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas peddle causing me to speed out of control

 

 

 

 

No offense to the policeman we have on the site whistling1.gif ....and just for the record my real name is Will Mullis and i can be reached at the green caddis fly shop unsure.gif

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You might be a redneck if:

 

1.you own more than 3 tee shirts with the sleeves cut off

 

2.your wife has had to say "come move this transmission so i can take a bath"

 

3.your girlfriends name is sprayed on a overpass

 

4.you have the taxidermist's number on speed dial

 

5.you have hit a deer with your car.......deliberately!

 

6.you think subdivision is part of a math problem

 

7.the dog cather calls for back-up when he comes to your house

 

8. your gas cap is a rag

 

9.your passenger side window is a hefty bag and duct tape

 

10.your house has wheels and your car doesn't

 

 

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Let me just aploigize in advance for this wink.gif

 

 

Q.What do you call a fish with no eye?

 

A.fsh

 

 

Q.What sits at the bottom of the sea and quivers?

 

A.a nervous wreck

 

 

Q.If fish lived on land what country would they live in?

 

A.Finland

 

 

Q.Why are fish smarter than mice?

 

A.because they live in scools

 

 

Q.Where do ghosts swim?

 

A. in lake erie

 

 

You were warned! wallbash.gif wallbash.gif wallbash.gif rolleyes.gif

 

 

 

 

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