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Steeldrifter

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Is it really??? :huh: Could it be??? :blink: The one! :unsure: The only! :o All hail Harleyhunter! :yahoo: King of sage8wt's dreams :ph34r: and SD's pimp! :pimp:

 

 

 

Holly Crap where the hell have you been my friend!!!

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Who is Jack Schitt?

 

 

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?

 

 

We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, Jack Schitt!' Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

 

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

 

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

 

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock,and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

 

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt -Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

 

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

 

NOW when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.

 

Sincerely,

Crock O. Schitt

 

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A guy walks into a bar wearing a Lions jersey and carrying

a cat that also has a Lions jersey on with a little Lions helmet

on his head too. The guy says to the bartender, "Can me and my

cat watch the Lions game here? My TV is broke and my cat

and I always watch the game together".The bartender replies,

"Normally, cats wouldn't be allowed in the bar, but it's not

very busy in here right now, so you and the cat can have a

seat at the end of the bar. But, if there's any trouble with you

or the cat, I'll have to ask you to leave." The guy agrees, and

he and his cat start watching the game. Pretty soon the Lions

kick a field goal and the excited cat jumps up on the bar and

walks down the bar and gives everyone a high five. The

bartender says, "Hey, that's pretty cool! What does he do

for a touchdown?" The guys answers, "I don't know, I've

only had him for 3 years."

 

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Two blondes walk into a building.

You'd think that one of them would have seen it.

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Dad took his daughter to the collage dorm. While looking around the campus the daughter noticed that there was a long walk that she would have to make getting to her classes. She ask her dad if he would give her some money for a bicycle to go to her classes. After a couple of days the daughter walks to town looking for a bike shop. On the way she came across a pet shop. Looking inside she seen a monkey and just fell in love with it. She bought the monkey with the bicycle money. Everything was fine for a week or so. One morning she noticed that the monkeys hair was falling out. She became upset and didn't know what to do so, she called her dad. Dad answered the phone and the daughter began crying.

 

Dad - What's wrong.

 

Daughter- It's just terrible what's happening.

 

Dad - What's wrong.

 

Daughter - All the hair is falling out of my monkey.

 

Dad - Well quite riding that dammed bicycle.

 

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One day 3 guys go hunting John, Jeff and BJ. John gets the frist kill of the day with a 12 point Buck. While he's guting it Jeff has to take a crap, so he tells BJ and John and runs off. Jeff took off his pants got on a tree branch and fell a sleep. BJ takes the Deer guts and puts them under where jeff is siting making jeff think he craped out all his guts. 1 hour later Jeff comes charging up the hill saying " Hay guys you cant beleve what happend to me !!! I fell asleep taking a crap and pooped out all my guts. But don't worry I got them all back in! :P

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One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.

 

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

 

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass? We don't have any money for food, "the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass.

 

 

 

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said. "But sir, I have a wife and two children with me.They are over there, under that tree." "Bring them along," the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us, also."

 

 

 

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir,

 

I also have a wife and SIX children with me!" "Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered. They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.

 

 

 

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind.

Thank you for taking all of us with you."

 

 

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place . . . .

 

 

The grass is almost a foot high."

 

 

 

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Sent to me by a friend.

Ernie

 

 

Why Elk have long antlers...

 

 

IPB Image

 

"It's a guy thing, regardless of Species."

 

 

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LORD, THEY'RE FINALLY TOGETHER ...

 

 

She married and had 13 children. Her husband died. She married again and

had 7 more children. Again, her husband died. But, she remarried and

this time had 5 more children. She finally died after having 25 children.

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the

Lord for this very loving woman and said, “Lord, they're finally together.”

One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, “Do you think he

means her first, second or third husband?” The friend replied, “I think he

means her legs.”

 

 

LW :cheers:

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A man was on the water for his weekly fishing trip.

He began his day with an 5-pound bass on the first cast and a 6-pounder

on the second. On the third cast he had just caught his first ever bass over

7 pounds when his cell phone rang.

 

It was the doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible

accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.

The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be

there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was

shaping up to be his best day ever on the water.

He decided to get in a couple of more casts before heading to the hospital.

 

He ended up fishing the rest of the morning, finishing his trip with a

day like he'd never seen, with 5 bass over 5 pounds each and the heaviest at almost 10 lbs. He was

jubilant. Then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty, he dashed to the

hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's

condition.

 

The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your

fishing trip didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out

for the past four hours enjoying yourself on the pond, your wife has been

languishing in the ICU!

 

It's just as well you went ahead and finished, because it will be more than

likely the last fishing trip you ever take!" For the rest of her life she

will require 'round the clock care. And you'll be her care giver forever!"

 

The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed.

 

 

 

 

The doctor then chuckled and said, "I'm just pulling your leg. She's dead.

 

So...What'd you catch?"

 

 

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A Michigan cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

 

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St Peter asked.

 

"Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered. "Once, on a

trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of

bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave

her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and

most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his

bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.

 

I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the #$%$)@ out of all of

you!"

 

St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"

 

"Just a couple minutes ago..."

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There was a dwarf that made a living as a psychic. He was doing pretty good financially because he was so accurate. Sure enough, the mafia got wind of his abilities and decided to use his powers to fill their coffers. The dwarf went along with it at first but soon grew tired of the mob's abusive ways. The boss soon grew tired of the dwarf's lack of enthusiasm and decided to frame him for a bunch of crimes that had not yet been solved by the local police. The next day the police showed up at the dwarf's house and took him into custody but being the keen psychic he was, he was able to escape rather easily just by visualizing the right opportunity. Once he escaped the local newspaper had the following headline:

 

Small Medium at Large!

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Don't know if anyone caught this on the National news.

Our Police Department (Toledo, OH) was broken into over the weekend, about 3am Sunday. The only thing they stole were the toilets. Caused quite a stir. The cops have been putting out clips on the local news looking for leads.

But so far, they have nothing to go on. :blink:

 

 

 

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