McRad 0 Report post Posted June 14, 2013 A mushroom walks into the bar and orders a drink, bartender says "sorry, we dont serve your kind around around here" the mushroom replies "why not, im a fun-gi" Just keeping it clean Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Piker20 0 Report post Posted June 15, 2013 We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls, but do you really know the difference between them?GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with your mates, being met by your wife holding a broom and having the guts to ask, are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere??BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the boys, smelling of perfume and beer, with lipstick on your collar, then slapping your wife on the bum and having the balls to say........ you're next, Chubby ! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GdubyaSmith 0 Report post Posted July 30, 2013 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
utyer 0 Report post Posted July 30, 2013 You can move to Florida where they Paved Paradise and put up a Parking Lot. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GdubyaSmith 0 Report post Posted July 30, 2013 You can move to Florida where they Paved Paradise and put up a Parking Lot. Big Yellow Taxi Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
riffleriversteelheadslayer 0 Report post Posted July 30, 2013 woman walks into a bar carrying a duck and sits down at the bar. Drunk walks up and sits down a couple of stools from her. A few minutes pass and he says thats a mighty fine pig you got there. The woman casting a dirty look at him says nothing. A few minutes pass again the drunk says that is a mighty fine pig you got there. Once again the woman says nothing but glares stearnly at the drunk. After another shot the drunk clears his throat loudly and says, I say that is one fine pig you got there. The woman finally in a disgusted tone says sir this is a duck!!!! The drunk says I know I was talking to the duck!!!!!!!!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jimr1961 0 Report post Posted July 31, 2013 Many years after Cinderella found her prince, married and lived a long and happy life, her prince passed away. As she sat in her castle, with her loving cat on her lap, wondering what would become of her, her fairy godmother appeared. Cinderella was shocked! "Why, I haven't seen you in ages, why are you showing up now?". The fairy godmother replied, "I saw you there, worried about the future, so I decided, since you have been such a pure sole all of these years, I will grant you three wishes. What is your first wish?" Cinderella thought for a short time and said, "well, the prince was a loving husband, but he left me financially distraught. I would like to have enough money to keep me well off for the rest of my days." "Done", said the fairy godmother. "What is your second wish?" "Well", said Cinderella, "I've grown quite old and I miss the beauty of my youth. I would like to have my youthful appearance back". "Done", said the fairy godmother. "What would be your final wish, my dear?" "Well", said Cinderella, "I will be lonely without my prince. My dear cat is the most loving thing in my life. I should like to have my cat turned into a handsome prince who will love me for the rest of my days". "Done", said the fairy godmother and she disappeared. Cinderella looked at the handsome prince her cat had become and said to him, "Oh, how wonderful. I shall love you for the rest of my life." The cat replied, "Yeah, but don't you wish you hadn't neutered me?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Piker20 0 Report post Posted July 31, 2013 HAHA. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
essequamvideri 0 Report post Posted September 8, 2013 That is the least expensive meat you can buy? Deer testicles!!! They're under a Buck!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Piker20 0 Report post Posted September 8, 2013 Chinese guy and a Jewish guy in a bar. Jewish guy suddenly hits the Chinaman. "hey what was that for?" That was for pearl harbour. Pearl harbour??? That was the Japanese! The new replies Japanese Taiwanese Chinese, their all the same. After some more beer the Chinese guy hits the Jewish guy. "hey what's that for?" That's for the titanic. The titanic?? That was an iceberg!! Ah iceberg, Rosenberg, Eisenberg their all the same. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mikechell 0 Report post Posted September 8, 2013 A guy walks into a store, and asks the first employee he sees, "Hey, where's the Polish sausage?" The employee asks back, "Are you Polish?" The guy flies into a rage ... "If I'd asked for German Chocolate, would you call me German?" "If I had asked for Swedish meatballs, would you assume I was Swedish?" "Italian salami ... if I had asked for that, would that make me Italian?" During the breath, the employee shook his head and just said, "No." Then why do you ask if I am Polish just because I asked for polish sausage?" The employee replies, "Because this is Discount Auto Parts!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest rich mc Report post Posted September 10, 2013 how can you tell if a fly angler is also a tennis player. ? every time he loads the rod you hear a loud AHH rich mc Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mikechell 0 Report post Posted September 10, 2013 Old Women She walked up and tied her old mule to the hitch rail. As she stood there, brushing some of the dust from her face and clothes ... a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon ... with a gun in one hand and bottle of whiskey in the other. The young gunslinger looked at the old woman and laughed, saying, “Hey, old woman, have you ever danced?” The old woman looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance... never really wanted to." A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old bag, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old woman's feet. The old woman prospector, not wanting to get her toe blown off, started hopping around. Everybody was laughing. When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old woman turned to her pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old woman and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels. The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old woman's hands, as she quietly said, "Son, have you ever licked a mule's butt?" The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No ma’am ... but ... I've always wanted to." There are a few lessons for us all here: 1 - Never be arrogant. 2 - Don't waste ammunition. 3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are. 4 - Always, always make sure you know who has the power. 5 - Don't mess with old women; they didn't get old by being stupid. I just love a story with a happy ending, don't you? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Piker20 0 Report post Posted September 10, 2013 Love that. Love it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Floyd 0 Report post Posted September 11, 2013 What is the least expensive meat you can buy? Deer testicles!!! They're under a Buck!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
