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Fly Tying
Steeldrifter

Joke of the day

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A englishman,a scott,and a irishman walked into a pub each ordered a pint of beer.

 

Then a fly landed in each one's beers. The englishman turned a bit green pushed

 

the beer away and asked for another one. The scott took the fly out shruged and

 

drank the beer. The irishman pinched the fly between his fingers and yelled

 

"SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT!!!"

 

 

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A Dell employee recently got busted in manhatten for pot

 

President Bush and many conservative law makers are suprisingly upset,as they have always pushed the view that pot was a Gateway drug!

 

wallbash.gif

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There was a turkey gobbler that couldn't roost in a tall pine. The bull in the pasture said if he'd peck in his dung all day he would get the strength to fly up there. The turkey tried it and got half way up the pine that evening. Next day he pecked some more dung and sure enough he got all the way to the top. The next morning the farmer came out at daylight and shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral: BS might get you to the top but it won't keep you there! bs.gif

 

 

Had a buddy that had 4 yungins back to back before he realized his wife was hard of hearing. Every night at bed time he would ask her if she wanted to go to sleep or what? She would answer, "What!" tongue.gif

 

 

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Fly Hunting

 

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a

flyswatter.

 

"What are you doing?" She asked.

 

"Hunting Flies" He responded.

 

"Oh! Killing any?" She asked.

 

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females", he replied

 

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"

 

"Simple" he replied. "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

 

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Boudreaux been fish'n down by de bayou all day an

he done run outa night crawlers. He be bout reddy to leave when

he seen a snake wit a big frog in his mouf. He knowed dat dem big bass

fish like frogs, so he decided to steal dat froggie. Dat snake, he be

cotton moufed water moccasin so he had to be real careful or he'd get

bit. He snuk up behine de snake and grabbed him roun de haid. Dat ole

snake din't lak dat one bit. He squirmed and wrapped hisself roun Boudreaux's arm

try'n to get hisself free. But Boudreaux, him, had a real good grip on

his haid, yeh.

 

Well, Boudreaux pried his mouf open and got de frog and puts

it in his baitcan. Now, Boudreaux knows dat he cain't let go dat snake or

his gonna bite him good, but he had a plan. He reach into de back pocket

of his bib ove rhauls and pulls out a pint a moonshine likker. He pour

some drops into de snakes mouf. Well, dat snake's eyeballs roll back in

his haid and his body go limp. Wit dat Boudreaux toss dat snake into de

bayou. Den he goes back to fishin'. A while later Boudreaux dun feel

sumpin tappin' on his barefoot toe. He slowly look down and dare dat

water moccasin was back with two more frogs.

 

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Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Charles

decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a singles' bar, he

spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away. I'm just an ordinary

man", he said walking up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father

will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." The woman went home with

Charles, and the next day she became his stepmother. Men will never

learn.

 

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A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night

and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event,

the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner,

she would like to go out and make love for the first

time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never

had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist

to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for

about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to

know about condoms and sex. At the register, the

pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd

like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.

The boyinsists on the family pack because he thinks he will

be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents

house and meets his girlfriend at the door. Oh, I'm

so excited for you to meet my parents,come on in!

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner

table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy

quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

5 minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer,

with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no

movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes

with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and

whispers to the boyfriend. I had no idea you were

this religious. The boy turns, and whispers back,

I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.

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In a big city at a crowded busy bus stop there was a beautiful young

woman

wearing a tight mini skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to

get

on,

she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come

up

to

the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with

a

quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her

skirt a

little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her

leg.

Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't.

So,

a

little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip

her

skirt

a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Still, much

to

her

chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the

driver,

she

again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to

make

the

step.

 

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her in line

picked

her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the

bus.

She

went ballistic, turned to the would-be good Samaritan, and yelled,

"How

dare

you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"

 

The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree

with

you,

but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was

friends."

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When I die, I want to die like my grandfather -- who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passenger as the car swerved off the bridge into the river.

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A physician claims these are actual comments from his

patients made while he was performing colonoscopies:

 

1. . "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has

gone before."

 

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

 

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

 

4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"

 

5. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

 

6. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."

 

7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

 

8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out.

You do the Hokey Pokey...."

 

9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

 

10."If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"

 

11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

 

12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

 

13. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my

head is not, in fact, up there?"

 

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Billy Bob says to Lester, "You know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation, only this year I'm gonna do it a little different.

 

The last few years i took your advice as to where to go. Two years ago you said to go to Hawaii, I went to Hawaii and Marie got pregnant. Then last year you told me to go to the Bahamas, I went to the Bahamas and Marie got pregnant again."

 

Lester says "So what you gonna do different this year?"

Billy Bob says, "This year I'm takin' Marie with me"

 

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One day a pastor was going door to door visting his parisioners and when he came to a door where it was obvious that someone was home but his knocks went unanswered he left a card with Revelation 3:20 written on the back.

 

Later that sunday the card was returned to him in the collection plate.....he picked it up turned it over and saw that the person had added Genesis 3:10 under where he wrote Revelation 3:20

 

So he quickly looked in the bible for reference...

 

Revelation 3:20 ....BEHOLD I STAND AT THE DOOR AND KNOCK

 

Genesis 3:10....I HEARD YOUR VOICE IN THE GARDEN AND I WAS AFRAID BECAUSE I WAS NAKED.

 

 

 

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Q:What do you call A fly that landed on a blonds head?

A: A space invader

 

A blond went into a store and says to the clerk "I would like to buy that TV over there". The clerk replies by saying "sorry, we dont sell TV's to blonds". So the blond goes home and dyes her hair brown. The next day she goes back to the store says to the clerk "I would like to buy that TV over there". The clerk replies by saying "sorry, we dont sell TV's to blonds". So the blond goes home again and dyes her hair red. The next day she goes back to the store says to the clerk "I would like to buy that TV over there". The clerk replies by saying "sorry, we dont sell TV's to blonds". "How did you know I was a blond?" she asked. "Well its simple," says the clerk, "thats a microwave, not a TV"

 

A Man bought a parrot from the pet store and brought it home. After he set up the cage and gave the bird food and water the bird started talking. But unfortunatly the bird was effortlessly saying a steady stream of swear words and slangs. The bird kept it up non stop for three full days during which the man tried evrything to try to quite down the bird. Finaly the man got so frustrated that he grabbed the bird and threw it into the freezer. The man herd a loud squack and then dead silance. Worried that he might have hurt the poor bird he opened the freezer. Slowly the parrot walked out of the freezer trembling and said to the shocked man "I would like to apologize for my bad behaviour and I promise I will be a good bird from now on". Before the man could ask why the sudden change, the bird asked him "Sir, what did the chicken do?"

 

A blond got two new watch dogs and invited her bernuet friend over to come and see them. After chatting a while the bernuet asked what are the dogs names. the blond said "this is Rolex, and this is Timex". Quite puzzled, the bernuet asked the blond why she had given them such unusual names. The blond responded by saying "Hellooo, they're WATCH dogs!"

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1. Q: What do you call a 100 year old ant?

A: An antique!

 

 

2. Teacher: "Boys and Girls, there is a wonderful example in the life of the ant. Every day the ant goes to work, and works all day long. Every day the ant is busy. And in the end what happens?"

John: "Someone steps on him"

 

 

3. (From "A light in the Attic"): A genuine anteater the pet man told my dad, turned out to be an aunt eater, and now my uncles mad.

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