Floyd 0 Report post Posted July 24, 2016 Late yesterday afternoon when the sun went down I stayed up all night wondering what happened to it. Early this morning IT DAWNED ON ME! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
essequamvideri 0 Report post Posted August 1, 2016 Bob finally decided to tie the knot with his long-time girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was tying some flies for fun. His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally spoke, "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married, maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the shop. You probably should just consider getting rid of all this fly tying stuff and that stupid rusty old Jeep. Bob got a horrified look on his face. She said, "Darling, what's wrong?" He replied, "For a minute there you were starting to sound just like my ex-wife." "EX WIFE!" she screamed, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!" Bob replied: "I wasn't!" Michael Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
essequamvideri 0 Report post Posted August 6, 2016 I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web ... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mikechell 0 Report post Posted August 6, 2016 LOL Great line and so true for almost everybody, essequamvideri. I like spiders ... I get up close and take pictures of the prettiest ones, etc. But I still get the heebie jeebies when I walk full into a big web. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mikechell 0 Report post Posted August 7, 2016 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Fisherboy0301 0 Report post Posted August 7, 2016 I love how Americas first Gold medal this year was a TEENAGE GIRL in a SHOOTING event. Can't get any more awesome than that. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Fisherboy0301 0 Report post Posted August 7, 2016 I was sitting at the local bar today, waiting on my drink when all of a sudden someone slapped me on the ass. I turned around to see a huge ugly heifer of a woman who bellowed out " hey sexy, how bout givin me your number?" I thought about it for a second and said "you got a pen?" She replied "well of course!" and I said "well you ought to get back there before the farmer realizes you've escaped!" My dental surgery is Monday... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Piker20 0 Report post Posted August 7, 2016 I like that one Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mikechell 0 Report post Posted August 17, 2016 Yet another reason I don't fish salt water ... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
retrocarp 0 Report post Posted August 17, 2016 Happens here all the time lol Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DrVette 0 Report post Posted August 17, 2016 I remember laughing about guys taking ladders out into the ocean...Turns out the joke was on me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oldtrout58 0 Report post Posted August 25, 2016 A woman arrived at a party and while scanning the guests she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled, and said "Hello, my name is Carmen." "That's a beautiful name' he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No" she replied. "As a matter of fact, I gave it to myself. It represents the things I enjoy the most - men and cars. Therefore, I chose Carmen." "What's your name?" she asked. His answer "B.J. Titsengolf." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bimini15 0 Report post Posted August 25, 2016 This last one makes me think about the famous actor Penis Van Lesbian, better known by his artistic name Dick Van Dyke. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mikechell 0 Report post Posted August 27, 2016 Very funny commercials ... If you don't want to watch the whole clip, the best ones start at 4:18. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=far200JE8Dw Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mikechell 0 Report post Posted October 4, 2016 I just can't resist the oldies but goodies ... even in jokes ... My Favorite Animal Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again. The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.. She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites