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Steeldrifter

Joke of the day

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Hope this flys here Ill try to keep it clean.

 

A man walks into a small bar The bartender is a very attractive woman,behind the bar is a wooden sign that says ham sandwiches five dollars hand jobs 10 dollars.

 

The man says excuse me maam but are you the one that gives the hand jobs?

 

Well yes sir I am

 

Well then wash your hands girl I want a sandwich .

😉

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Hope this flys here Ill try to keep it clean.

A man walks into a small bar The bartender is a very attractive woman,behind the bar is a wooden sign that says ham sandwiches five dollars hand jobs 10 dollars.

The man says excuse me maam but are you the one that gives the hand jobs?

Well yes sir I am

Well then wash your hands girl I want a sandwich .

 

HAHAHAHAHA!That's pretty damn funny!

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I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised that I had picked up a stranger, and asked, "Thanks, but why would you pick me up? How do you know that I'm not a serial killer?"

I told him the chances of two serial killers being in the same car was astronomical.

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So, I went home with this girl from the bar. We had a great time, and were lying there, relaxing.

She turned to me and asked, "If you could know the exact time and cause of your death, would you want to?"

I thought for a few seconds and said, "No, I don't think so."

She said, immediately, "Oh, then never mind."

huh.png

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rules for fishing with seniors

 

1. Old guys get the front seat of the drift boat.

2. Old guys get first shot at the best water.

3. We don't crank winch cables or change flat tires.

4. We get to pick where to stop for coffee and donuts on the way to or from the water.

5. When we need help changing flies, we get it.

6. If we think you should row the boat over to the far side of the lake, you should. Now.

7. If, or rather when, we make good casts, you should notice and say something nice, but not,"Hey that's pretty good for someone your age."

8. If you and I catch fish that are approximately the same size, always remember that mine's bigger.

9. If you're thinking of asking me to row, remember my bad shoulder.

10. If you're thinking of asking me to drag the boat up the shore or onto the trailer, remember my bad knee.

11. If you're thinking of asking me to bring lunch, remember my bad memory.

12. Which reminds me, if I forget something at the truck, you should go back and get it.

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Holy Smokes !!!

I'm considered an "old guy". Reading that list ... I'm never taking another old guy fishing with me again !!!

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never trust your buddy to put the plug in.

 

the lake was 7 miles long and 2 miles wide, started heading for the other side,

Me..."hey ricky, my feet are getting wet"

Ricky..."holy sheep, we are sinking!"

 

yup we are in the middle of the lake and the plug fell out!

5 hp 14 ft boat and nothing to put in the plug hole!

 

now just picture me with my big tukkus up in the air, using my thumb to plug the hole, the handle/throttle sticking

out from between my legs (facing backwards) with my other hand on it, me looking upside down, looking out between my legs to see where we are going

while driving back to shore!

 

ever since then I keep a wine cork and a spare plug in my box.

 

I know its not really a joke, but I bet you laughed.

smile.png

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Talking about old guys, while discussing an upcoming surgery with his young VA Dr. my brother asked "doc, have you ever done this before?" The kid answered "no, but I've always wanted to."

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A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her, and having an affair with the maid. So she laid down a trap.
One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend and didn't tell the husband.
That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story: Excuse me, my dear, my stomach aches, and went to the bathroom.
The wife promptly went into the maid's bed. She switched the lights off. When he came in silently, he wasted no time or words but quickly got on top of her...
When he finished and was still panting, the wife said: "You didn't expect to find me in this bed, did you?" And then she switched on the light...
"No madam," said the gardener.

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A woman walks into her son's house unannounced and finds her daughter-in-law lying naked on the couch. When asked what was going on the daughter-in-law said" I call this my love suit. When Bob walks in the door and sees me he grabs me and carries me to the bedroom and we make mad passionate love." The mother-in-law heads home , gets undressed and lies on the couch awaiting her husband. He walks in the door and asks what's going on? She replies I'm wearing my love suit ! He says it needs to be ironed. What's for supper?

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I guess I was built backwards.

 

My nose runs and my feet smell.

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