Jump to content
Fly Tying
Sign in to follow this  
Peterjay

Tarpon Rookie Contest

Recommended Posts

First lier just ain't got a chance here. This is getting to be a real tuff audience. Just remember that any good lie must have a witness to substanciate it. The best witness is one that is no longer available for some reason such as an untimely death such as by being eaten by the monster muskie in a secret pond that the owner guards with a shotgun 24/7. A witness is absolutely required. Photoshop makes pictures an unreliable verification.

By definition, if a "witness" is no longer available, then they are no longer a "witness".

I have a living witness ... my Wife will back up any story account of my fishing successes.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

OK guys, here's the updated entry list:

 

Ben

Sthrncomfort

Kudu

Terry

PJ

bkatz

 

Permanently disqualified:

 

Riffleriversteelheadslayer

 

Basis for disqualification:

 

Abuse of Photoshop, bad jokes, surgically modified digestive system, and attempted murder.

 

mikechell

 

Basis for disqualification:

 

Mental instability, fraud, hallucinations, and above all, insulting New England.

 

BrookTroutAngler

 

Basis for disqualification:

 

Cheating, ratting out fellow cheaters, and being a resident of the state of Arizona.

 

Piker

 

Basis for disqualification:

 

Blatant cheating, never having fished waters warmer than 60 degrees Fahrenheit, never being within 1000 miles of a tarpon, and worst of all, being an Englishman. My Canadian ancestors fought the English during the Seven Years War, emigrated to the U.S., and had to fight them all over again during the American Revolution. I might come from a long line of skunks and horse thieves, but we sure know how to hold a grudge.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have to give credit to Riff and Mikechell qualifying their wives as witnesses to corroborate their catches. The last time my wife was a witness for me she looked at the KSP trooper and told him and I quote, "Officer I told him to slow down that he was driving too fast!" As he was writing me a ticket, we had an off the record discussion.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ah shucks, it always feels like I'm 1000miles from every fish. But I can't escape the English man tag. It flows through my veins like the colonial overlord it pretends to be.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

**Fer Immediate Release**

 

Coolidge, Arizona (February 21 2012 or 2013, can't remember because of this hangover) In response to the pending allegations against one BrookTroutAngler, and the provocative act of banning an innoncent client, one Colton Rowland, from a high stakes competition, his attorney Bubba Smith offers this statement-

 

"We are doing everything we can to clear the name of my innocent client. One case of mistaken fish identification does not a cheater make. My client has recently been having a hard time identifying tarpon and other fish species, likely due to a crick in his neck which has been affecting brain waves. His doctor, Samuel Mudd the fifth, concurs with this theory and also offers his own insight into this case":

 

'What we have here is a simple case of discriminatory banning. One PeterJay is only outlawing my patient from the competition because of his incredible intellect and groundbreaking skills in the areas of fly tying and fishing. The jealousy here is obviously what caused the false accusations and permanent ban to be brought against my patient. In addition, it is my professional opinion, and a well known fact, that PeterJay would not know a tarpon if it slapped him in the face. This is due to the fact that he spends too much time near the ocean, and the saltwater has no doubt removed any trace of lucidity from his conscience. I mean this in no way as an insult, but suggest that PeterJay seek immediate relief through a bottle of Jack Daniels after which he hopefully will not even remember banning my patient.'

 

When asked if he had any formal reply to PeterJay, the accused offered this simple statement:

 

'Karma's a B***'

 

Bubba Smith went on:

 

"I may not be a smart man (likely due to his addiction to beer) but if there is one thing I know it's that my client is the finest, most upstanding young man I have ever met. Just yesterday I offered him a beer, and he absolutely refused, citing his underage status and the previous three beers which he felt was enough. I've never known a teenager with such self-control and a good heart. We will appeal this case to the TSMT Tournament Eligibility Committee and we hope that justice will be served."

 

When asked if he had anything else to add, Mr. Smith went on to say

 

"To whoever has my car keys, it's not funny, and I want them back."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Pete ... I fought agin' them limeys along side all y'all !!! Don't that count for nothin' ???

 

Piker, you know as well as I do ... we'll row a kayak 1000 miles to catch a fish, that's just a regular afternoon trip, right?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey if I can find a welsh man, or a Scot or a paddie, a frenchy or a union man I'll have them row for me while I stand in the bow in my finest Morris dancing outfit, eating a porkpie while my rower also ties on my flies, greases my line and makes perfect casts for me so I can simply play the fish in. On second thoughts I'll pass on the French, historically never been too good at going forward.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ummmmm Florida,will they ogle the bikini clad beauties to prevent me getting any tongue strain and promise to suffer the hangovers on my behalf too! Yes Florida sounds great.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ummmmm Florida,will they ogle the bikini clad beauties to prevent me getting any tongue strain and promise to suffer the hangovers on my behalf too! Yes Florida sounds great.

Yes .... no .... and yes, it is.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
**Fer Immediate Release**

 

Coolidge, Arizona (February 21 2012 or 2013, can't remember because of this hangover) In response to the pending allegations against one BrookTroutAngler, and the provocative act of banning an innoncent client, one Colton Rowland, from a high stakes competition, his attorney Bubba Smith offers this statement-

 

"We are doing everything we can to clear the name of my innocent client. One case of mistaken fish identification does not a cheater make. My client has recently been having a hard time identifying tarpon and other fish species, likely due to a crick in his neck which has been affecting brain waves. His doctor, Samuel Mudd the fifth, concurs with this theory and also offers his own insight into this case":

 

'What we have here is a simple case of discriminatory banning. One PeterJay is only outlawing my patient from the competition because of his incredible intellect and groundbreaking skills in the areas of fly tying and fishing. The jealousy here is obviously what caused the false accusations and permanent ban to be brought against my patient. In addition, it is my professional opinion, and a well known fact, that PeterJay would not know a tarpon if it slapped him in the face. This is due to the fact that he spends too much time near the ocean, and the saltwater has no doubt removed any trace of lucidity from his conscience. I mean this in no way as an insult, but suggest that PeterJay seek immediate relief through a bottle of Jack Daniels after which he hopefully will not even remember banning my patient.'

 

When asked if he had any formal reply to PeterJay, the accused offered this simple statement:

 

'Karma's a B***'

 

Bubba Smith went on:

 

"I may not be a smart man (likely due to his addiction to beer) but if there is one thing I know it's that my client is the finest, most upstanding young man I have ever met. Just yesterday I offered him a beer, and he absolutely refused, citing his underage status and the previous three beers which he felt was enough. I've never known a teenager with such self-control and a good heart. We will appeal this case to the TSMT Tournament Eligibility Committee and we hope that justice will be served."

 

When asked if he had anything else to add, Mr. Smith went on to say

 

"To whoever has my car keys, it's not funny, and I want them back."

 

Hah! I don't believe you, and I'm supposed to believe a sleazebag lawyer? BTW - I don't drink any more, but when I did, a bottle of Jack wouldn't have lasted me through six innings of a Red Sox game. You're dealing with a pro here, my good man.

 

 

Hey if I can find a welsh man, or a Scot or a paddie, a frenchy or a union man I'll have them row for me while I stand in the bow in my finest Morris dancing outfit, eating a porkpie while my rower also ties on my flies, greases my line and makes perfect casts for me so I can simply play the fish in. On second thoughts I'll pass on the French, historically never been too good at going forward.

 

Sacre bleu!!!! Tu chien galeux!!!! Tu belette sans valeur!!!!! Now you've gone too far! The very fact that an Englishman would admit to eating English cooking is proof enough that we're dealing with a suspect ethnicity here. Americans owe a great deal to the French. If it weren't for such stalwarts as Lafayette, Rochambeau, and De Grasse, we'd still be singing God Save the Queen and gagging on steak and kidney pie. Merci, merci, merci mille fois!!!!!

 

CC: United States Immigration and Naturalization Service, Department of Homeland Security. (lets see you catch a tarpon now)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...