I just don't get it.

[Bryon Anderson 0]

Thank you SilverCreek, well said.

 

With regard to the statement, "Men are visual...women are mental/emotional", well...that's a pretty gross oversimplification, I would say. I would also take this opportunity to say that I am deeply grateful to my late father for (among much else) teaching me that being a "man" has very little to do with our popular culture's version of "manliness." It was my mother, ironically, who used words like "sissy", who gave me shit for not going out for sports, for not chasing every skirt that twirled by, etc. Funny how things work out sometimes.

[mikechell 0]

With regard to the statement, "Men are visual...women are mental/emotional", well...that's a pretty gross oversimplification

Agreed ... as I said before ... just leave the "/emotional" off and it's more accurate.

 

"Men are visual ... women are mental!"

 

I showed Wife that ... and she said, "And don't you ever forget it !!!"

[Bryon Anderson 0]

LOL agreed Mike -- I didn't catch that bit about leaving off the "/emotional" in your earlier post. Your wife sounds like she gets it. I'm sure mine would, too.

You know it's funny -- I mentioned before that my parents both kind of had characteristics that are considered typical of the opposite sex (Dad was more gentle, compassionate, soft-spoken; Mom was more harsh, critical, competititve etc.). I grew up to be very much like my dad -- lover of nature and the outdoors, of building and fixing things, zero interest in competitive sports (except when played among friends just for fun), equally appreciative of science and rationality and of art and beauty, on and on like that. My wife, my perfect other half, is analytical, a born problem-solver, kind and compassionate but always focused on The Job At Hand, the here and now, a great maker of lists and ticker-offer of tasks done, etc. Just like HER dad.

The older I get, the more I'm inclined to believe that, as children, we gravitate toward the parent whose temperament and demeanor best complements our own, and we learn what they teach us, whether it much jives with our perceived gender or not. Maybe I'm nuts, but that's been my observation.

[Rjohn7 0]

If she doesn’t like to see something good go to waste, Rjohn, what you are really saying is that, in her mind, tying flies is a waste.

Perhaps if you made a bunny costume for the dog it would be ok...

 

 

That is what I heard also. especially since making a doll coat wasn't going to waste.

[Rjohn7 0]

I have attachments to some physical things. My wife passed at age 53 and she fly fished with me. I still have the Fenwick HMG I made for her. I still have the floppy fishing hat and the bandana she wore.

 

How about the first fly you ever tied? How about an athletic letterman's jacket from high school or college. How about the winter field jacket you wore in the military? I still have the small note book I carried during my surgical internship that had drug dosages and the cranial nerve distributions. Now doctors in training use smart phones but I have the information written in my own hand writing. These are the touchstones of our lives.

I have an attachment to some things, some of my fathers, grandfathers and great grandfathers jewelry for instance. a few other things of personal family value. I will point out that Traci does not have anything like that. and in fact when gold prices soared was at me day and night to sell off pieces that have been in my family 5 generations now- and never 'got' why I wouldn't. so there is no personal attachment, it was a coat we got at a thrift store and she never wore pure and simple. She has never been the sentimental type however. I have pictures of our son while he was growing up, she doesn't, because she threw out the photo albums when she was packing the house in Vermont. The only reason I have any is because I had started having them all scanned in very early on. Not sentimental at all.

[Old Hat 0]

I've learned over the years to just communicate openly. "Honey, that looks like it would be good for fly tying" She knows exactly what that means. Then I weigh her response. The problem was you didn't completely communicate your intentions with the jacket. You asked plenty of questions but not the real one, "Can I cut it up for fly tying?" probably because you knew it would illicit a negative response. It's a tactic my teens like to use all the time until I just look at them and say "what is it you are really after".

[Rjohn7 0]

I've learned over the years to just communicate openly. "Honey, that looks like it would be good for fly tying" She knows exactly what that means. Then I weigh her response. The problem was you didn't completely communicate your intentions with the jacket. You asked plenty of questions but not the real one, "Can I cut it up for fly tying?" probably because you knew it would illicit a negative response. It's a tactic my teens like to use all the time until I just look at them and say "what is it you are really after".

That doesn't work with Traci. Never has, never will. The coat was just something to scream about evidently. She moved on to screaming about other things to other people. It caught me flat footed because its only the second or third time in 27 years she has screamed at me, probably because she is afraid of burning that bridge. What ever has her in a rage must be huge or she wouldn't be finding other things to scream about. She will tell me when she is ready. At least now I get that the coat is just an excuse.

 

No we were never married, (since everyone is assuming that) just have a son together, and she now lives in the apartment over my garage because she has burned all of her other bridges and has no where else to go.

[JSzymczyk 0]

so, WHY are any male humans spending time wondering WHY women do the things they do? I've been with my lovely and talented wife for about 29 years... and in most situations I have a fairly good idea WHAT she is going to do, but no way will I understand WHY.

[Stippled Popper 0]

Jack Nicholson as Melvin Udall in "As Good As It Gets"

"How do you write women so well?"

"I think of a man and I take away reason and accountability."

[Steeldrifter 0]

Thanks for the reminder that I made the right choice years ago.

 

Signed

A 46 yr old unattached carefree troutbum lol

[ben bell 0]

i have worked with people of all races and genders, and i can,t say any group has the market cornered when it comes to being reasonable or not..lol..but i have to say some of the most scary ones are academics, but that,s just me, no doubt..

[Peterjay 0]

Since this is posted in the Beginners' Corner, and considering the subject, it sounds like the OP has learned a valuable lesson that we relationship veterans have experienced time and again. The long and the short of it is that you didn't cover your ass. When dealing with women, it's always best to plan many moves ahead, and ALWAYS consider the worst-case scenario, because that's what you'll most likely be dealing with in the end. The best advice I've ever been given is "when it comes to women, give them whatever they want, because they're gonna get it anyway, and they'll make your life a living hell until they do." The trick is figuring out what they want, and considering all the scenarios well in advance of taking any action. You're probably gonna end up screwed anyway, but at least you'll be able to rest easy, knowing you gave it your best shot. I hate to see a rookie catch this kind of hell, but it might be the only way to build up the emotional calluses that'll get you through future encounters. BTW - forget about jewelry, flowers, etc. It's like trying to ward off a hungry tiger with a four-ounce steak. He'll enjoy the steak, but he's still gonna eat your ass anyway. Good luck with future marriages.

[DarrellP 0]

As George Clooney said in "Oh brother, where art thou,":

"Don't look for logic in the chambers of the human heart."

[Crackaig 0]

https://youtu.be/SZ6mVumHY9I

 

Cheers,

C.

[Rocco 0]

You tell the woman who owns you everything?!

 

She said she did not care what happened to it. Why tempt fate by pointlessly reentering the emotional obstacle course with live fire otherwise known as conversation with a woman? Just dye and use the rabbit

 

This just goes to show that there is no safe ground -- especially ground you think you have already taken.

 

50 year of marriage later I have learned many of the traps and also not to play the game by meekly letting patent nonsense stand.unchallenged. Rows are good too, as are makeups later.

 

Giving in to emotional black mail won't do either of you any good in terms of mutual respect.

 

Rocco