1016 replies to this topic

[steeldrifter]

A couple went on a vaction to a lake,the man liked to fish and the wife enjoyed reading
one morning after the husband came back from fishing to take a nap the women decided to row out and anchor in the middle of the lake to read her book

a few minutes later a conservation officer pulled up to her and asked for her fishing lisence

after telling him she wasnt fishing and didnt have a lisence he told her "i am going to have to give you a ticket then becuase even though you arent fishing you have all the equipment"

angered by this she puts her book down and glares at the CO and says "fine if you do that then i will have to charge you with rape"

the CO cant believe what he just heard and says "how would you do that,i never touched you!"

the women tells him "thats true....but you have the equipment!"

[steeldrifter]

Alright somethings wrong these last few jokes have actually been a tad funny so i gotta do something about that

What did one eyeball say to the other eyeball?

"just between you and me ....something smells!"






SD
there now i feel better,you guys were startin to get spolied!

[Fatman]

just for you!!!

As a hooker was dressing, she turned to her customer and asked, "Have you just gotten out of prison?"

"Yeah," the guy replied. "How did you guess? Is it because I wanted to have sex from the rear?"

"Partly," she said. "But more because when we finished, you ran around in front of me, bent over, and shouted, 'YOUR TURN!'"



and

FRIENDSHIP PRAYER

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the
crotch of the person who screws up your day
and may their arms be too short to scratch...


Tight Lines,
Fatman

[Shoe]

Gotta love those Prison Jokes...

Here's one for Hubbard and Will

Arve, Ole and Oscar go fishing

Four guys from Fargo went up to Northern Minnesota fishing. To save a
little money, they rented a small cabin that had only two bedrooms.

Well, Arve sleeps with Ole the first night and he come to breakfast next
morning with his hair a mess, and his eyes all bloodshot. The others
ask, "Vat happen to you?"

Arve says, "That Ole, he snores so loud, I was kept avake vatching him
all night. I can't do that 'nother night so vun of you's got to do it."

Since Ole snores so loudly, no one else wanted to room with him, but
they finally agree to take turns.

The next night is Oscar's turn. In the morning, same thing - hair all
standing up, eyes all blood shot. Oscar declares, "Fer sure, dat Ole
shakes the roof. And he sleeps so hard, I couldn't vake him. I vatched him
all night."

The third night was Sven's turn. Next morning Sven come to breakfast
bright eyed and bushy tailed. The others can't believe it! They ask, "Vat
happened?"

Sven say, "Well, ve get ready for bed. I go und tuck Ole into bed and
kiss him good night. Den he vatches me all night long."

[Shoe]

Sexual Harrassment......

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her,
draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer, and goes to Human
Resources. Without identifying the guy, she tells them what the
co-worker
does, and that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against him.

The HR supervisor is puzzled by this approach, and asks...."What's sexually
threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?

The woman replies...."It's Keith, the midget."

[SmallieHunter]

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.

Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"

[SpentWing]

Two birds are out one day sitting on their perch.

The one said to the other "I smell fish."

[steeldrifter]

One sunday a minister tells his congression "next week i will be preaching on the sins of lying so to help you understand the sermon better i want everyone to read Mark 17 before then"

A week gos by and the next sunday the minister asks "how many of you read Mark 17 like i asked?"

Every hand in the church went up in the air

The minister smiled and said "There are only 16 chapters in Mark....i will now proceed with my sermon on lying"

[Big Daddy Hubbard]

[steeldrifter]

2 men were walking through the woods of transylvania when a vampire jumped out in front of them

the men both looked at each other and started saying there last godbye's knowing this would be the end when suddenly a hot blonde girl jumped in between them

she was carrying a large bag and pulled out some cheese on cocktail sticks and throws at the vampire

next she reaches in and pulls out some cucumber sandwiches and throws at the vampire

finally she reaches in the bag and pulls out some cocktail weenies and throws at the vampire who proceeds to fall down and turn into a pile of dust

as the girl takes her bag and walks away the first man looks at the second man and asks "WHO was that?"

to which the second man replies "that was buffet the vampire slayer"

[sandflyx]

A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon.

"Care to go upstairs and do it?" the husband asked.

"Shh!" said the bride "All the neighbors will know what we're about to do. These walls are paper thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each other in code. For example, how about asking, 'Have you left the washing machine door open' instead?"

So, the following night, the husband asks, "I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open, did you?"

"No, I definitely shut it," replied the wife who rolled over and fell asleep.

When she woke up however, she was feeling a little frisky herself and she nudged her husband and said, "I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?"

"No, thanks," said the husband. "It was only a small load so I did it by hand."

[steeldrifter]

i had one to put up tonight but i cant follow that one....hehe

[trout traveler]

Two blondes come home after drinking and notice a light bulb has burned out.

Who gets to change it?


One to stand on the ladder the other to run around it cause she was desinated driver.

[zaper]

man is on the couch in the shrinks office saying," i'm a wigwam. i'm a teepee."
"i'm wigwam i'm a teepee."








dr. sais, calm down your two tents!

[steeldrifter]

A blonde is pulled over for speeding one day and the cop just happens to also be a blonde

the cop asks the blonde for her lisence and as shes rummaging through her purse the cop says "its the one with your picture on it"

so the blonde driver pulls out her mirror compact and hand it to the cop

the blonde cop looks in the compact and says "well you should have told me in the first place you were a police officer and i wouldnt have stopped you"

SD