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Been a While


8 replies to this topic

#1 Swamp Fly

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Posted 17 October 2019 - 02:17 PM

Hi everyone, it's been a while.  Had a paradigm shift in my universe about a year ago proceeded by 9 months of crappy existence. I'd love to say I'm doing better but well not so much.  I am trying to move forward some and have actually been fishing a couple of times so I guess that is a start.  While I have not tied anything yet, that will need to change shortly I'm sure.  I did do  preliminary reorganizing of my tying gear a while back.  Holy Shite do I need a better way to organize!

 

It took me a couple of days to go though the most recent posts, glad to see that most of the gang is still here along with some names I did not recognize.

 

I hope everyone is doing reasonably well.

 

Swamp



#2 steeldrifter

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Posted 17 October 2019 - 03:47 PM

Welcome back Swamp. It can be difficult to deal with major life changes, I've had to deal with two huge ones myself just this year as well. But never give up. Life is about change, we may not always want nor like the change life gives us, but we humans are a resilient bunch and it is amazing what we can get use to and move forward from.


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#3 mikechell

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Posted 17 October 2019 - 04:48 PM

Welcome back Swamp fly.  As Steve said ... change is inevitable.  It's rarely comfortable.  I hope you're doing better.


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#4 Swampfoxforeman

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Posted 17 October 2019 - 09:15 PM

I hope you continue to get better. Sometimes the only thing we can do is push forward to get through troubling time, even though we don’t want to.



#5 Swamp Fly

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Posted 18 October 2019 - 08:50 AM

Thanks guys.  I've been putting one foot in front of the other for the last 18 years so I'm still doing that if only out of force of habit.  I guess 17 years of fighting the cancer with her prepared me for it in a backhanded sort of way.  Most mornings I wake up and my first thought is "That really happened".  Things will get easier and better, some days the incline up the hill is just steeper than on other days.  It's weird some of the things people say, the one that probably perplexes me the most is that I'll get over it.  Not a chance.  Sure it will get easier, not hurt as much, and I'll move forward, but never get over her.  I cared too much for that.  Sort of like when she was first diagnosed, people insisted on telling us about all of their family and friends that passed away from cancer. Really?!  But enough about that. I'm coping as best as I can, trying to catch up on 10yrs worth of work on the house and property and trying to remember to set the hook as it were.  Time to start over, I'm not the first nor shall I be the last to have to do so.  Thanks again for the positive thoughts.



#6 steeldrifter

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Posted 18 October 2019 - 09:36 AM

It's not something that you will ever "get over" that's for sure. Years ago when I lost my Dad to prostate cancer I had people tell me time will help get over it. That's really not the case though. I guess the best way to describe it is you will learn to live with it, and while you will never get over it you will find ways to move forward and smile again. It takes a different amount of time for each person so don't feel you have to be on any sort of schedule like "I should not feel like this still" or anything like that because losing someone extremely close is the hardest thing in life.

 

That's what one of the big things that I went though this year was. I lost my Sister back in May of this year at only 51 yrs old. This time last year I had no idea I would be without her a year later. We were the only siblings and as close as a brother & sister could be. Not a day went by we didn't speak with each other, did everything and went everywhere together. It's been close to 6 months since I lost her but there are still times when the thoughts of seeing her for the last time unresponsive in the ICU or thoughts of sitting next to her in the hospital holding her hand and having her tell me how scared she was just come flooding back into my mind out of nowhere and I start to cry. It's just normal and something that I can't help. I'm sure it's the same for you as well when thoughts come rushing in. Don't try to stop those thoughts, let them happen and just accept it and then gather yourself once they have stopped.

 

It's hard to tell someone this sort of stuff by just typing out things like this, just loses the empathy and understanding when you type it out. But just know that I and others know exactly what you are going through, it sucks beyond belief, but one tiny bit at a time it will become a tad easier to accept and live again. It will be a different life that's for sure, but that's the only option we have when we lose a very close loved one.

 

While I know what you mean when you say it bothered you that friends would tell you about their friends/family that passed away to cancer, keep in mind they aren't comparing to your loss, they are simply trying to be comforting by letting you know you are not alone in this. It's their way of offering help more than anything.

 

You ever need to talk to someone or just feel like you need to get your mind off it just hit me up.


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#7 Piker20

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Posted 19 October 2019 - 07:06 AM

I see people all the time at work who have lost a husband or a wife of 20+ yrs and seem to be struggling that they feel upset 3months down the line. It's an odd world we've created that suggests you just package up all that time and experience with another person in a few weeks and move on.
I'd think it was strange if, like Steve people didn't have flashes of emotions because in truth it should take years to comprehend the loss of someone that significant.
Matthew 25: 35-36 "Out of every 100 men, 10 shouldnt even be there, 80 are just targets, nine are the real fighters, and we are lucky to have them, for they make the battle. Ah, but the one, one is a warrior and he will bring the others back. "No man ever steps in the same river twice"   Heraclitus, 5 B.C

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#8 Pyme Fisher

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Posted 19 October 2019 - 01:44 PM

I don't know you Swamp (I'm one of the newbies here), but my thoughts are with you.

Like you and others have mentioned, time never really heals those wounds or makes them go away, but it will help you to eventually deal with them, on your own pace and your own schedule.

Don't forget to take care of yourself though along the way.

#9 Swamp Fly

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Posted 20 October 2019 - 09:34 PM

Thanks Steve.  Oh I can understand what people were trying to say, it's just what they actually say that makes me grouchy.  In the 17 years that my wife fought, there were obviously some serious ups and downs, on a couple of occasions she decided she should seek counseling (which I did not discourage).  Early on one of her therapists explained the situation perfectly... people are stupid.  We had a good laugh about that.  The good thing was that whenever someone did say something insensitive my wife would just remind herself of that proclamation and then didn't have to reconcile a stupid comment coming from some otherwise reasonable person.  She could just let it go and move on.  I on the other hand had to remind myself rather frequently that people were not saying things out of malice.  I was rather protective of my wife and had to actively restrain from folding some folks in half.  Couple of docs found that out too.  One guy realized he was about to be ejected out of the room by way of a wall with no openings.  We had a talk... he behaved better after that.  He also actually read her file so he didn't proclaim she had cancer or something else 10 years out of date.  The nurses tried not to grin, well after things calmed down that is.  I'm still not sure they would have given this particular doc medical attention if things had gone south.  My initial assessment of him was spot on, what a jerk.

 

ICU = bad.  I had to give her permission to go...'nough said.  Unfortunately I'll be right back there again before the next sunrise I'm sure.

 

I think you and I are close in age, I'll be 50 this spring.  Not that there is ever an okay age to loose someone but I feel like I should have another 30-40 years on me for this to have happened.  I imagine you feel the same about your sister.  I couldn't begin to imagine such a sudden loss like you have.  The devil you know I suppose.  I am so sorry for what happened.

 

Piker, We were together for 25 years, that leaves a mark.  Kind of a catch 22,  some days I yell at myself to get on with it and the next day I wonder what's wrong with me because I actually found the energy to get up that morning.  Good thing I don't drink more than a beer or two unless I'm safe among friends and generally pretty happy.

 

Pyme, Thanks





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