Well i do need to quitt smoking! It is life or death since having Adenocarcinoma in my right lung. They took most of the right lung after an inept nurse pulled my chest tubes straight and hard instead of slow and loose. The bad thing, she was teaching another nurse how to to do it wrong. The newbee nurse and i became friends shortly after. I coerced her to pull the tubes the way the docs explained not the other. She grew a pair that day and went right to it with me coaching...It was weird but cool. She did it perfectly from my perspective...All 3 of my pulmonary docs gave me thanks for helping her. She was almost the timid door mouse, but could rise when challenged...That is my definition of a true heart. I hope she did well after that...she was freaked-out over what i went through. After that??? I wonder???
But i doubt i would change even if i could...it just seems too late to bother with now...maybe 20 years ago??? IDK??? It is almost impossible to describe the feeling of surviving and not having a real life. You quitt caring.
There are ALWAYS those little psych things that gnaw at you even though you may never see them. Good counseling is a must for success here.
You have a tough road that YOU have chosen...If you are serious, you must get help and work with them so you COMPLETELY understand what you MUST do with them and not against them.
The younger you are...the harder you must fight for that future life and leave the reaper standing there frying in the good ole sunshine that calls you to work. If you are not happy there (your work life)it is doubtful that you ever will succeed, so follow those dreams that expand you to new experiences. That should give you a good reward feeling to overcome the other BS.
I actually quitt smoking buds in 1986...Even today that i can legally grow i will not smoke it. I strip it down into an extract that no-one knows what to do with...except me.
I require this to stop swelling and bruising along with seizure control, glaucoma pressure reduction...My doc still freaks on that and gives me all sorts of strange tests for free...he writes it off as research. The cancers are all in remission/cured from genetic testing...except that Basil Cell Carcinoma on my scalp. they are sending me to yet another specialist for that in Nov.???will i still be alive then???IDK???
But a lot of this could have been avoided,or at least mitigated, If i had quitt when i was 20 or even 30. I hope you choose more wisely than I did.
Good luck and i seriously wish you the strength of heart and soul to make this giant little pest get out of your life for good.