Joke of the day

[richmce 0]

two irishmen are fishing in a boat one get a tug an pulls up a  lantern. he wipes it off and i genie appears and say he has one wish. irish man laughs and says turn this lake into beer. he dips his cup in the lake ,tastes and an then  burps and says     hell  now  we have to  piss in the boat

Edited February 17, 2022 by richmce

[Steeldrifter 0]

 

[Sandan 0]

On 2/19/2022 at 11:46 AM, Steeldrifter said:

 

Tanks for that.

[SilverCreek 0]

My urologist’s office called the other day and explained that my scheduled appointment would now be done over the phone due to the corona virus.

One hour before the scheduled teleconference, I was instructed (via email) to administer my own urine test.

This was to avoid those lab tests and costly co-pays that your doctors tell you to get at Quest Diagnostics, and because they're shutdown too.

Simply go outside and pee in the yard.

If ants gather: DIABETES

If you pee on your feet: PROSTATE

If it smells like a barbecue: CHOLESTEROL

If your wrist hurts when you shake it: OSTEOARTHRITIS

If you return to your house with it outside your pants: ALZHEIMER'S.

[partsman 0]

That’s a good one SilverCreek, I needed a good chuckle.

 Thanks, Mike.

[Lesg 0]

[mikechell 0]

There I was, standing beside my truck, when someone started tapping me on my shoulder.

Since I was off the clock, and getting ready to go home, I did my best to ignore whoever it was.

The person kept tapping me and tapping me. 

Here's the best part ... Tap here to continue.

[Lesg 0]

[DFoster 0]

[RickZieger 0]

Two 90 year old ladies were outside the pharmacy today. One said to the other "let's shock them>"  The other said How?

The first said we will order pregnancy tests. 

[mikechell 0]

4 hours ago, DFoster said:

As disgusting as that situation is ... it's on a train, not a plane.  I'm not saying it couldn't happen on a plane these days ...

[DFoster 0]

Good catch Mike but Train or not that’s funny!

[RickZieger 0]

The beauty of learning to cast a lure and wait for hours for a tug on the line that may never come escapes us now. We buy our fish; we don’t catch it. We get it filleted and packaged in cling wrap instead of wet and shiny from the sea. We get our fruit peeled and chopped at the delicatessen. We don’t pick it from the trees anymore. We miss the moment of stopping to watch the sun go down before we pull the fish in over the stern or climb down the ladder with the basket of cherries."   Joan Chittister

[flytire 0]

no gas....no squeegee 😀

[caloosa bug 0]