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Fly Tying


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About artimus

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    What? a fly swap?..... I'M IN!!!
  • Birthday 11/30/1965

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    London, Ont
  1. Most definetly bring your rod!!! I will be on afternoons next week, but will help out in anyway that I can. PM sent with phone number. Art
  2. As luck would have it, I'm on a temp layoff. Now for most that would truly suck, but for me it means tons of free machining time!!!! I decided to start by repairing a reel that I made years ago. It is amazing how fast a NC driven mill can really work. Now these machines are pretty new to me as I'm old school. The days of dividing heads, bolt pattern tables, and cranking handles this way, no wait back a bit okay there, are long over; not to mention having to switch machines for different operations (lathe to mill). Now it is run through a few menus, enter a few numbers, refresh my coffee and away I go. To do the work that I did today in 5 hours would have taken me the better part of two days. All I have left is a reel foot (3-4 hrs) to make and then I can move onto the NEXT PROJECT>>>>>>HAHAHAHA Art
  3. day5, interesting idea, to the poin that I would go with a telescoping stem with a locking sleeve. bfr, do you adjust the angle in the arm on a regular basis, or has it turned into a set and forget option? There used to be a link (in the produst reveiw area) that had LOADS of vices in it. Does anyone know where it went? It would be great for looking at different ideas. Art
  4. All of the above are great starts. Another one to consider would be Tying Better Flies by Art Scheck Bench side IS the bible; but $$ though. Art
  5. Nice looking ties. For sure I'd be putting one of those aside for memories sake. The rest fish for sure!! Art
  6. And on this day God said: Page 28 will forever be known as Art's joke................LOL Art I'm LMAO at the line of black brats....lol
  7. FEMALE PRAYER Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep. One who's handsome, smart and strong. One who loves to listen long. One who thinks before he speaks, one who'll call -- not wait for weeks. I pray he's gainfully employed, when I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, massages my back and begs to do more. Oh, send me a man who'll make love to my mind. Knows what to answer to, "How big is my behind?" I pray that this man will love me to no end and always be my very best friend. Amen. MALE PRAYER I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a boat. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit. Art
  8. Four Religious Truths: 1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people. 2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian World. 4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters. Art
  9. >It was the first day of school and a new student named >Chandrashekhar Subrahmanyam entered the fourth grade. >The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some >American History. Who said "Give me Liberty, or give >me Death"? She saw a sea of blank faces, except for >Chandrashekhar, who had his hand up: "Patrick Henry, >1775" he said. > >"Very good!" Who said "Government of the People, by >the People, for the People, shall not perish from the >Earth?" Again, no response except from Chandrashekhar. >"Abraham Lincoln, 1863" said >Chandrashekhar. The teacher snapped at the class, >"Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrashekhar, who is >new to our country, knows more about its history than >you do." > >She heard a loud wh isper: "F**k the Indians,"Who said >that?" she demanded. >Chandrashekhar put his hand up. "General Custer, >1862." > >At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna >puke." The teacher glares around and asks "All right!, >who said that?" Again,Chandrashekhar says, "George >Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991." > >Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? S*ck >this!" Chandrashekhar jumps out of his chair waving >his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to >Monica Lewinsky, 1997!" > >Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said "You >little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you." > >Chandrashekhar frantically yells at the top of his >voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001." > >The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around >the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, >we're f**ked!" and Chandrashekhar quietly >whispered, "George Bush, Iraq, 2005." Art
  10. I am posting this to you to warn you of something that happened to me as I have become a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. This happened to me at a Walmart in Toronto and it could happen to you. Here's how the scam works:Two seriously good-looking 18-year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping in the trunk. They both start wiping your windscreen with a rag and Windolene, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy t-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another Walmart. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start having sex with each other. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen last Tuesday, Wednesday, twice on Thursday, again on Saturday, and probably again tonight. Be careful. Art
  11. Following on from the Religious Truths thread earlier on :- RELIGIOUS PHILOSOPHIES IN A NUTSHELL Catholicism: If sh*t happens, I deserve it. Protestantism: Sh*t won't happen if I work harder. Judaism: Why does this sh*t always happen to me? Buddhism: When sh*t happens, is it really sh*t? Islam: If sh*t happens, take a hostage, burn an embassy. Hinduism: This sh*t happened before. Hare Krishna: Sh*t happens, Rama Lama Ding Dong. Jehovah’s Witness: Knock, Knock - Sh*t happens Tele-evangelism: Send me your sh*t Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this sh*t. Good night and may your God go with you ! Art
  12. George Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld are flying on Air Force One. The President looks at the Vice President, chuckles, and says, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out the window right now and make somebody very happy." The Vice President shrugs and says, "Well, I could throw 10 $100 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy." Not to be outdone, the Secretary of Defense says, "Of course, then, I could throw 100 $10 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy." The pilot rolls his eyes and says to his co-pilot, "Such arrogant asses back there. Hell, I could throw the three of them out the window and make 56 million people unbelievably happy." Art
  13. 1. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one. 2. You know You're in a Redneck Church if ... People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em. 3. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up. 4. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. 5. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of." 6. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... The choir is known as the "OK Chorale." 7. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory. 8. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy. 9. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized "Wheeling" washtub. 10. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... The choir robes were donated by and embroidered with the logo from Billy Bob's Barbecue. 11. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... The collection plates are really hubcaps from a '56 Chevy. 12. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... Instead of a bell you are called to service by a duck call. 13. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks. 14. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... The communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink". 15. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... "Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too. 16. You know You're in a Redneck Church if ... The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya hear." Art
  14. DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS: 40-ish....................................49. Adventurous..........................Slept with everyone. Athletic..................................No boobs Average looking.....................Moooo. Beautiful.................................Patholog ical liar. Emotionally Secure.................On medication. Feminist..................................Fat. Free spirit...............................Junkie. Friendship first........................Former slut. New-Age...............................Body hair in the wrong places. Old-fashioned.........................No lewinski’s. Open-minded.........................Desperate. Outgoing.................................Loud and Embarrassing. Professional............................Bitch. Voluptuous............................Very Fat. Large frame...........................Hugely Fat. Wants Soul mate....................Stalker. ________________________________ WOMEN'S ENGLISH: 1. Yes = No 2. No = Yes 3. Maybe = No 4. We need = I want 5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry 6. We need to talk = You're in trouble 7. Sure, go ahead = You better not 8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later 9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron! 10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? ________________________________ MEN'S ENGLISH: 1. I am hungry = I am hungry 2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy 3 I am tired = I am tired 4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage! 5. I love you = Let's have sex now 6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex? 7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you. 8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you. 9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you. 10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you. 11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay. Art
  15. A little old lady decided to join The Hell's Angels One day she goes up and knocks on the door. A big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers. She boldly proclaims, "I want to join your club." The guy is amused, and decides to humor her a bit, so he says she needs to meet certain biker requirements in order to join. The biker asks: "Do you have a motorcycle?" The little old lady replies, "Yep...my bike's parked over there," and points to a flamed black Harley chopper in the driveway. The biker asks, "Do you drink?" The little old lady replies, "Yep like a fish. I'll drink any man in your club under the table." The biker then asks, "Do you smoke?" The little old lady replies, Yep, I smoke like a chimney. At least 4 packs of cigarettes and three joints a day and a couple of cigars in the evening, while I'm shooting pool." The biker is very impressed and asks, "You sound like one bad Mama. Tell me, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?" The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, "Nope, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times." Art
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