Joke of the day

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[mikechell 0]

 

[rstaight 0]

A little tidbit from a guy at work. He had a couple of things printed, here is part of one.

 

A couple is driving along a back road in the middle of a bitterly cold winter. The wife sees a baby skunk on the side of the road that looked like it was dead. She told her husband to stop feeling sorry for the little critter.

 

When she went over to it she noticed that it was still barely alive. She convinced her husband to take it home and when it was back to health set it free. He agreed.

 

When they get in the car she asked where would be the warmest place to put it. Her husband said between your legs. That would be the warmest place.

 

A few minutes later she says what do about the smell? He says, Hold it's little nose.

[Crackaig 0]

If ever you feel what you are doing is useless, remember it is someone's job to fit indicator lights to BMWs.

 

Cheers,

C.

[mikechell 0]

If ever you feel what you are doing is useless ...

If I was ever to feel this way (which I don't, but if I did), I'd just take a walk through an airport.

 

Seeing 30 TSA people in an area that could be effectively patrolled by 5 ...

I wouldn't feel useless anymore ... by comparison.

[mikechell 0]

I fish from my boat almost all the time, these days.

Sometimes, though, I miss the bank fishing days.

 

[essequamvideri 0]

Bought the missus a hamster skin coat
last week. When we went to the fair
last night it took me 3 hours to get
her off the Ferris wheel.

 

Michael

[Adam Saarinen 0]

Wife: Look at that drunk guy. Husband: Who is he? Wife: 10yrs back he proposed to me & i regected him. Husband: Oh my God! He's still celebrating...

[mikechell 0]

There is now a new law, in New York, that makes it a crime to call someone by the wrong "sex" definition (You can't call a transvestite "Mr.", if ... it ... prefers to be called "Miss". Etc.)

 

So, if I am called upon to teach a class in New York, I've come up with the perfect moniker that should not offend, since it includes all sexual preference/identities.

 

Everyone falls into one of three categories: Either you identify as a "She", a "He" or somewhere in between, whoch could be called an "It".

So, to include all people, I will put all three together when addressing someone.

I.E. ... Instead of, "Hello Mr. Smith." ... I will say, "Hello She-it-he Smith."

Instead of calling out to someone I don't know with, "Hey, Mr!" ... I will call out, "Hey, She-it-he."

From this point, people can still call me "Mr." ... I'll call everyone else, "She-it-he".

 

 

 

If you don't get it, say it faster ....

[FlaFly 0]

This is for those who don't get Shoe in the comics of their newspaper

[Hookedintheear 0]

The Sunburn

 

 

A guy falls asleep on the beach for several hours and gets a horrible

sunburn. He goes to the hospital and is promptly admitted after being

diagnosed with second-degree burns. He was already starting to

blister and in agony.

 

The doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline and

electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.

 

The nurse, rather astounded, said, "What good will Viagra do him?"

 

The doctor replied, "It'll keep the sheets off his legs."

😀😀😀😀

[Bimini15 0]

So... There is this farmer trying to milk his cow, but the cow is restless and keeps kicking the pale, milk and all.

The farmer ties the leg of the cow to a post in the barn, but the cow keeps kicking with the other leg and then knocking the pale over with the tail.

So he ties up the other leg and finally decides to use his own belt to tie the tail up to the rafters. As he stretches to reach up, from his stool, behind the cow, his loose pants fall down just as the wife comes in the barn. "Can you explain to me what you are doing...???"

The farmer thinks about it... "Well, if I tell you the truth, you ain't gonna believe it, so... I WAS SCREWING THE COW...!!!"