Joke of the day

[SalarMan 0]

[niveker 0]

👍 - I can see it!

[SalarMan 0]

1 hour ago, niveker said:

👍 - I can see it!

Tried a different approach...and it worked !!!!!  😎

[niveker 0]

[Lesg 0]

[flytire 0]

[RickZieger 0]

One day a Brit Gen'ral is marchin' along wit' his regiment. After a bit they come across a hilloc and atop it is this braw scottish warrior holdin' a huge claymore above 'is 'ead. And 'e yells down at them "Ahm Red Rory o' the Glen! Send up your best man!"

An' Gen'ral purples a wee bit, an' he turns to his Adjant an' says, "Adjunt! Send up your best man! I wan' that mans head!" And up goes the best man and then there's bangin' and bashin' and sqwackit and screamin' and then cloppity, cloppity, clop comes down the 'ead of the best man.

An' Red Rory stands on top o' the hillock and shouts, "Ahm Red Rory o' the Glen! Send up your best squad!"

An' the Gen'ral purples a bit more, an' he turns to his Adjunt an' says, "Adjunt! Send up your best squad! I wan' that mans head!" And up goes the best squad an' then theres bangin' an' bashin' an' sqwakit an' screamin' an' then cloppity, cloppity, clop comes down the 'eads of the best squad.

An' Red Rory stands on top o' the hillock and shouts, "Ahm Red Rory o' the Glen! Send up your best comp'ny!"

An' the Gen'ral purples a lot more, an' he turns to his Adjunt an' says, "Adjunt! Send up your best comp'ny! I Wan' that mans HEAD!" And up goes the best comp'ny an' then theres bangin an' bashin' ab' sqwakit an' screamin' an' then cloppity, cloppity, clop comes down the 'eads of the best comp'ny.

An' Red Rory stands on top o' the hilloc and shouts. "Ahm Red Rory o' the Glen. Send up the whole regiment!"

And Gen'ral turns completely purple, an' he turns to his Adjunt an' says, "Adjunt! Send up the Whole Blawdy Regiment! I WAN' THAT MANS HEAD!" And up goes the whole regiment and there's bangin' an' bashin' an' sqwakit an' screamin' goin' on for the better part o' an hour or so, an' suddenly the Adjunt comes runnin' down the hill yellin' "Run sir, run! It's ae ambush! There's two ae them!"

 

 

 

[Gene L 0]

This guy had terrible, blinding headaches.  The pain was unbearable and no amount of pills would mitigate .  He it to a specialist doctor who agreed to take his case.  After several procedures, the doctor say, "I've studied your case at length, and while I don't know what caused such pain, I can cure it., but it won't be easy."  The guy said, "I'll do whatever, I can't stand the pain." The doctor said, "Well, we have to castrate you.  I know that's radical, but that's the only thing I can recommend."  The guy said, "Oh, man.  Let me think about it and I'll get back to you next week."  After a week of blinding pain, he returned to the doctor.  He said, "I can't stand it any longer.  Go ahead."  So he went into surgery that day.

He woke up pain free.  When he was recovering after two weeks, his doctor said, "I know you're emotionally drained but the world has not ended for you. Go out into the world buy a new, expensive suit, shoes, shirt, tie and everything and you'll feel much better.  So the guy went to the most expensive place in town, got a nice suit that fit him perfectly, a crisp new shirt and a silk tie.  He told the tailor, "To complete this purchase, I need some jockey shorts, size 34."  The tailor said, "You need a 38."  The guy said, "I've been wearing size 34 shorts for years, I know what I need."  The tailor said, "OK, but if you wear shorts too tight it'll cramp your balls and give you a headache. "

[chugbug27 0]

👍👍

A Jew meets up with God in the afterlife and asks if it's ok if he tells God a joke. God says sure, why not? The Jew says, it's a Holocaust joke. God says to go ahead and tell it, no problem. So the Jew tells God the Holocaust joke, and when it's done, God frowns and says, that wasn't funny.

"I guess you had to be there," the Jew says.

[SilverCreek 0]

There was a guy who just got out of a really bad divorce with his  wife.

One day, he found a genie's lamp.  

The genie came out and said," Hello master. I will grant you three wishes but, whatever you wish for your wife gets double."

The guy didn't like that part but he made a wish anyway.

For his first wish, he said,  "Genie, I want a house in Hawaii." POOF!!! He got one house, his wife got two.

This didn't make him happy but, he made his second wish.

"Genie,I want 2 billion dollars." POOF! He got two billion, his wife four billion.

By now, this guy isn't very happy.

The genie says,"You have one wish left. I have to remind you, whatever  you wish for your wife gets double."

The guy says," Yeah, yeah. I know."

So the guy thinks real hard and says "I got it! Genie, beat me half to death!!"

[Lesg 0]

[flytire 0]

[flytire 0]

[niveker 0]

[mikechell 0]

That photographer missed the whole points!